Windmill...

i believe im a bad person.....i almost wanted to destroy someone's relationship....maybe i should just stay as single....i always bring troubles to ppl...being alone is very sad but at least ppl no need worried about me....i no need disappoint ppl...

yeah....bad ppl will never get happy ending....same goes to me.....

feels like running away...

ok....its a very long time that i didnt update...well i thought i wont be writing something in this blog again...but today i really feel like writing something to release stress...well...thats because i cant find a place to do so...since my facebook has my mom and aunt which i dont want them to know this...then blog suddenly just come out from my mind...cause not much ppl know about my blog and i dont want them to worry about me...i can say this blog is something that remind me something or a good friend to listen to me....

well...i would say this ...i really dont believe in close friends because from my point of view, i feel that no one really treated me as their best or close friends....maybe for them they dont think like that...but i do feel like that....cause from my point of view, close or best friends are ppl that will be there by your side when you need them or when you are sad...and you will never hide secrets from them....share your happiness with them...i know you guys might be thinking im quite true....but if you really know me well...as in you know me in person....i bet you do believe with me that i dont have one....

okok..i know everyone have their privacy or their own time cause i too have.....but when im down or sad or depress...where are the ppl i needed ? yes they do listen to your problem but they will always say "actually you are not that right...you also have fault" ....i know i have some attitude problem...but i dont think my attitude is really that bad yet....at least i still think for others....i know when to speak, when not to....you might think that i think too good about myself...but now i really thinking alone and im not telling lie...im just saying my true feelings....i know what i said now has already make some ppl angry or piss off....but if you are the ppl i mention, pls do think about it....maybe now you didnt do anything...but try think about last time....

ok ..lets change another topic...well...the thing that influence me to this is my family....about the best friends thingy...its quite a small matter to me now...cause in the future, i know stuffs like that will happen and its very difficult to find a close friend ....

my family....i would say a prefect family from most of the ppl's view....have a great business, smart dad, nice moms, great sons and daughters, well manners, humble, peaceful and ect....all the good things you can think of....however its not really like that....there are plenty of things happen in this "prefect family" ....you know no one is prefect....everyone knows it... if there is really a prefect person, i would say "thank god for giving you a prefect body with prefect life" ...however for mostly of us, we are not prefect....and we do know that....i really really wanted to tell you all the family problems....but i dont think its good for me to do so cause first of all, this is internet and maybe there's someone unknown reads it and do something bad about my family? but i can give hint to you guys about the problems....what you see from the hong kong movies, you can see in my family.....yea ...so use your imagination to think about it....

however, i dont care about that....i would think all these problems are quite cool...i mean where can you get this in mostly ppl's family? well....maybe im used to it? been grow up with all these problems around me...but this time, i get a bad result and my whole family is disappointed in me...even i, myself, too disappointed ....i bet my whole family now hates me....sometimes i do wonder whether i am from this family...

well...my eldest brother never treat me nice before...its like im not exist at all....everytime i talked to him or asked him something, he will never answer...like im not there ....well ...my family said he is always like that...MY ASS....if he is always like that, then why on earth when you guys talk to him, he will answer???? tell me that!!! all i can feel from him is that he dont like me ....i dunno why...i didnt do anything to him but he just being like that to me ....but nevermind...at least my elder sister and my second brother still talk to me...well...i guess they dont like me now...since my result is bad....i know you guys will say they care for me thats why they are angry at me when my result is bad...but when im studying, since when you guys care about me?? i mean even in my normal life....you didnt even ask about me....and now you are angry because i got bad result....how funny is that!!

i would say the only one who cares about me now is my mom....at least she talk to me nicely...try to understand why i did badly in my exam.....now i understand why ppl always prefer to talk to mom instead of dad....however....that dont really release my stress...i mean its kinda increase my stress and make me feel guilty....well...thats a good thing...so i would feel bad ....

now i really feel like running away from home....i know this is avoiding the issues ....but i still feel like running away...even just for awhile....so i dont need to feel that pressure for awhile...i wanted to refresh myself...

leave my family behind....


leave my name behind....


leave the ugly world behind....


leave the pressure behind....


but i cant run away from home....being tied tightly with my house....